Why NOT To Say “ I’m Sorry”

Many will see this title and scoff to themselves saying things like, “ I can’t apologize now??” or “Christians can't do anything without it being a sin, huh?” Etc. Etc.

Allow me to address these remarks right out the gate, so as to not keep you all in suspense as I reveal my rationale as to why not only Christians should refrain from saying “I’m sorry” but even non-Christians as well.  You see, each and every time you use that phrase, you insult and dishonor yourself without even realizing it. 

Firstly, prior to understanding why this phrase has such disparaging effects on us each time we say it, we must understand the overarching definition of the word, ‘Sorry’. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition could be one or all of the four variations; a feeling of sorry or sympathy, a feeling of regret or penitence, mournful/sad, and finally, ‘sorry’ is defined as inspiring sorrow, pity, scorn, or ridicule: The various synonyms for the word ‘sorry’ are as follows; pathetic, poor, pitiful, lame, cheap, and wretched. 

With this information in mind, why do we deem it appropriate to place the most powerful phrase– ‘I am’-- in front of a word that harbors such a negative connotation? People more frequently use ‘sorry’ to  show politeness when refusing something and disagreeing or to merely apologize.  These are occurrences that happen several times over in the span of the day when one is needed to communicate effectively, thus it’s imperative that this is removed from your vocabulary at once.

Picture this, you bump into a guy at a bar and he gets visibly upset and begins to start berating and screaming at you. To de-escalate the situation and prevent a fight from breaking out, you back down and say “I’m sorry”. The guy grumpily storms off, feeling satisfied that he has dominated you with his fragile and delicate ego. Imagine for a second that you replaced the ‘sorry’ for one of the synonyms for ‘sorry’ such as, “I’m cheap ” or “I’m lame”. 

Doesn’t hit the same right? No wonder that guy walked off looking as if he had won something, he genuinely did. He got you to slander yourself immediately after quarreling with you. 

It is imperative we understand something vital, we have two ‘minds’ active simultaneously; The subconscious mind and the conscious mind. The subconscious mind is said to be responsible for 90 to 95% of the actions we take throughout our daily life, while in contrast, the conscious mind harbors only 5 to 10%. This illustrates that most of the things we say, do, and think are oftentimes habitual and ingrained into our psyche.  

Hence why we utter things like “I’m tired”, “I’ll be damned”, “I’m sleepy” etc. It has been shown through multiple scientific procedures as well as personal anecdotes from athletes, cancer patients, and all other walks of life that by changing how they speak to and about themselves dramatically changed their lives. It’s the principle that you speak more lovingly and accurately to and about yourself and the situations you are placed in. You are not ‘tired’ nor ‘sleepy’ because you are not your emotions. You feel tired and or sleepy. This small tweak can instantly alter your mood and overall quality of your day. 

In my experience of working at an overnight job, I can tell you with the utmost sincerity that I hear “I’m tired” spoken by at least one person, every single day. It drives me insane and may or may not have been the reason I made this post lol.

To finalize this, I want to hammer home the rationale as to why this is problematic for both religious and irreligious folks alike. The phrase, “I am”, is the most powerful phrase in the English language, thus, to place anything negative or neutral is to simply disrespect yourself. But understand, you don’t simply disparage yourself when uttering things like “I’m sorry”, you dishonor GOD himself. 

In the book of Exodus, GOD said to Moses from the burning bush; “And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.” -Exodus 3:14 KJV. This is also illustrated later in the New Testament when Lord Jesus says to the Pharisees, “Jesus answered, ‘I tell you the truth, before Abraham was even born, I Am !’ “--John 8:58 NLT. Here Jesus was showing to the Pharisees that because he and the Father are one, he too is also that I AM.  

Hence, the same principle applies for irreligious folks, you dishonor yourselves by saying things like ‘I'm sorry", and for Christians, you take the LORD’s name in vain when we say that. Silence is a powerful tool to replace filler words or simply just utilize a synonym, “I apologize” being a great one to start out with. 

            “I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.” - Publilius Syrus