Stop Assuming!

Assuming is a practice that I’ve noticed I make a habit of which leads to many of the needless disappointments and issues in my life. Assuming is one of the most subtle yet destructive habits we can develop on the path toward self-mastery. According to several cohesive definitions, the word ‘assume' means to suppose something to be the case, without strong or thorough proof. Assuming you have someone "figured out"--their reactions, responses, and internalizations of what we do–is a subtle form of arrogance that stifles growth. When you assume you “know” someone, you stop observing them with clarity and compassion. You see only your mental projection, not the living, evolving person before you. When we assume, we close the door to discovery. Assumptions trick us into believing we understand people, situations, and even ourselves, when in truth, we’ve only just scratched the surface. 

Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man; I must get to know him better.” This line contains profound wisdom. Lincoln illustrates that our initial judgments are rarely a reflection of the person, but rather a reflection of our own limited perspective. People are far more complex and sensitive than we often give them credit for. When you assume a person’s character is fixed, you ignore the reality that, given the right circumstances or enough time, the people whose character and mentality you were so sure of have done a complete 180. To conquer the self, you must first conquer the urge to categorize others. Assumptions perpetuate irrationally. You make fallacious and uninformed moves based on your shaky assumptions, which then lead to undesirable outcomes. If you wish to navigate the world more effectively, you must replace the amenity of assumptions with that of predictions.

Here lies the crucial distinction between assumptions and predictions. A prediction is a calculated hypothesis based on observed patterns, which remain open to being proven wrong. By shifting to a predictive mindset, you remain agile, whereas an assumption keeps you static. It demands to be right without proof or reflection. You finally stop reacting to what you think is happening and start observing what is actually happening. To master this, you must question the character, habits, and intentions of others mercilessly and constantly to prevent you from drawing rigid conclusions.

Assuming also distorts your view of yourself. We carry quiet, unexamined beliefs about who we are, what we can or cannot do, how we’ll react, and what we deserve. Many of these self-assumptions are inherited, outdated, or completely baseless. Do you truly know yourself as well as you claim, or are you living according to a self-image built on outdated assumptions? What assumptions have you made about yourself that are weak or need refinement? Can you perceive this in yourself? Mastering the self demands that you question yourself relentlessly–your motives, your patterns, your excuses; everything. The person who assumes they know themselves is the easiest person to fool. It is far better for you to find the cracks in your own foundation than to wait for life–or your enemies–to find them for you. We often treat our own identities as infallible, yet we are frequently the most unreliable narrators of our own lives.

Unchecked assumptions lead to irrational decisions and emotional instability. They make us reactive rather than reflective. It’s human nature for us to make split-second judgements about people and even ourselves. My goal in this brief post is to implore you all to at the very least question the assumptions you make. Because most of the time, you’re just ignorant of most of the facts. 

“There is only one thing I know, and it’s that I know nothing.” –Socrates