Receivers vs Givers(Quality Men & Women)

Within my 22 years of living, I’ve become a bit better at identifying certain patterns in human dynamics. We often complain about the quality and trustworthiness of people nowadays, as many argue that the dating pool is terrible, that you can’t trust friends or family anymore, and that things are too chaotic to do anything. Blah, blah, blah. Despite how different things are now socially, human nature is still human nature. We are unique individually, yes, but human nature still makes us rather predictable. People still want to be loved, respected, and understood. And yet, people still lie, betray, and sacrifice others for their gain. Essentially,  I believe the disconnect we have in choosing quality people in our lives is due to our inability to utilize not only our discernment, but also our lack of understanding of what makes a person truly of quality in the first place and what makes them aligned with your circle.

To further illustrate this, I’ve come to believe that I can tell a lot about the quality of a man by observing the nature and patterns of his giving. We as men are inherently made to give. Whether it’s his time, attention, energy, power, and yes even his money, as a man he must come to the conclusion that he will be giving until the day he dies. The million-dollar question is not whether you will give, but what kind of giver will you be? This nuance is pivotal because not all giving is not created equal. For example, a man can throw money at somebody and still give them nothing of substance. Another man can give very little materially and somehow give more of himself. Christ gives us a perfect example in the story of the widow who gave two small coins. After “Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, ‘Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.’”(Mark 12:43–44, NIV).  The significance in this seemingly small event highlights that the act of giving with sacrifice, intention, and proportion matter. Who is this man giving what to? How often does he give these resources? In what variety is he giving? A quality giver isn't merely someone who has a lot to offer or is willing to do grand gestures, but rather, he is someone who knows how to steward whatever he has. A man with high quality is one who gives with purpose. He gives without needing applause. He understands that his resources are not merely possessions, but tools through which he can serve something greater than himself.

Conversely, I can tell a woman is of more quality than others based on the nature and frequency of her receiving. Just like men are made to give, women are acutely built to receive. As such, the principle applies here as well; all receiving is not created equal. To better illustrate this, a woman could be receiving one man’s money in large amounts or gifts but he harbors only lustful intentions and insincerity. Whereas she has another man who doesn’t have nearly as much money, but he gives her transparency and genuine affection. So the questions that ought to be asked are interesting, what does she value enough to receive? What does she repeatedly allow into her life? From whom is she receiving these things from? Because what you consistently allow yourself to receive says something about what you are willing to accept. Hence why it’s typically problematic if her standards are high, but the baseline for what she accepts or receives is low. And that principle extends far beyond the dynamics between men and women. Look at your friendships. Look at your familial relationships. Look at the people you repeatedly forgive without any change. Sometimes we complain about the quality of what surrounds us without ever asking whether our own choices are responsible for keeping it there.

All in all, a quality person can be identified based on the quality of the choices they make. The goal is to be great, so we need to make great choices. This may come off a bit judgmental, but I’m not writing this as some proclamation that I’ve figured everybody else out.  This is merely just a reminder for myself to observe and vet people even more thoroughly, while also introducing an interesting concept I thought of. Ultimately, though, I’m no different. As a man, I need to be more cognizant of the quality and consistency with which I’m giving as well. If I’m going to critique the quality of another man’s giving, I need to examine the quality of my own. If I'm going to scrutinize what another person receives, I need to ask what I’ve been willing to receive too. What have I tolerated? What have I entertained? What have I accepted simply because I desired it? Because ultimately, this isn’t really about learning how to identify quality people. It’s about becoming one. A quality giver can always become a better giver. A quality receiver can always become a better receiver. And a person with good judgment can always sharpen their discernment. There is always another level of quality to gain! That, to me, is another dimension of conquering ourselves. The hardest person you will ever have to govern is you.